To the 16 and to the One

I had my first kiss when I was eight years old

K was showing me his Harry Potter books

N wasn't in the room, he was quite angry about the fact that I was playing with his brother and not him

So when K went to get us some snacks and water, N ran into the room and stole a kiss from me

I was so surprised I locked myself onto the balcony

I didn't want to tell anyone since I didn't feel it counted, I wasn't sure it happened, yet factually, that was the moment in which I had my first kiss.

When I was 14, I had my first real kiss

He was one of the skaters from the skate park I went out with once

In the first five minutes of our conversation, I decided I didn't like him as anything more than a friend

Yet after months of being friends and turning my head every time his lips attempted to touch mine,

Once my head didn't turn.

I learned that with my eyes closed, I could isolate the addiction of the feeling

From the wrongness of a person.

So I closed my eyes for the one whose heart was always beating fast underneath his plaid green shirt when I hugged him,

The blue-eyed senior at a friends band gig,

The one with funny hair who had a troubled twin

The one who spilled my beer into a toilet at a Halloween party

The Greek Software engineer, 5 years older than me

The one who, when we closed our eyes, we pretended he didn't have a girlfriend

The physics and literature nerd who had an idea of me I liked fitting into

The Czech guy I came up to on the street

The one who made me his life tragedy, which I adored

Some other ones here and there

One broke my heart

One or two I broke perhaps

I have shut my eyelids wherever and whenever I wanted to

However,

With eyes wide open, 

I feel they haven't been closed at all.